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Features >> ........................................ ..............Last updated: 01/29/2010 |
Hollywood's Handbook to Love
Ryan McNally ~ Staff Writer
With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, what better place to look for advice on relationships that the entirely realistic and accurate depictions of love by Hollywood films. Alright, I’ll admit, some of the romantic advice given in films is a bit ridiculous, and so I have sorted through a few well-known films in order to sift out the things you should, and absolutely should never ever do, in order to make your Valentine’s Day more beautiful and love-filled (was that sappy enough?). By the way, there are no romantic comedies on this list – although it could be argued that Twilight is a romantic comedy – because I simply did not feel like watching another movie with Hugh Grant, Sandra Bullock, or the amazing one-two punch of Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.
Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
What can be learned from Napoleon is that true love can be found anywhere, even on the internet (what love is truer than Kip and LaFawnduh). Also, dancing in front of the entire school is definitely a great way to pick up chicks. Start practicing your grooves for the next Trunk! Just please don’t spend too much time shading the upper lip of a girl you like, more often than not, it’s creepy.
Mean Girls (2004)
First of all, failing math to pick up guys is never a good option. Secondly, don’t claim your teachers are drug dealers (I know it has nothing to do with relationships, but it’s worth mentioning). I’m realizing now that the movie has very little relevance to relationships, oh well.
Superbad (2007)
Um… almost everything in this movie is a don’t, however, I don’t wish to list them off in fear of sounding like a law enforcement officer. Basically just don’t take relationship advice from this movie, unless of course you are interested in becoming the next McLovin (works like a charm with the ladies).
Elf (2003)
Keep it simple. Ask your potential date if they would like to get some food (the secret code) and then spend the evening drinking terrible cups of coffee and running through revolving doors while wearing lime green tights. Remember, even if you struggle with asking somebody out, you aren’t a “cotton headed ninny muggins.”
Anchorman (2004)
There is so much to learn from this movie: don’t over do the cologne even if “60 percent of the time, it works every time.” Don’t tell the world about your date when your significant other wishes it remains a secret. Most importantly, don’t throw burritos out windows.
Star Wars (1977)
The tip that would be best to learn from this classic film is to make sure that somebody isn’t your sister before you develop a crush for her. Pretty self-explanatory. Also, if your date looks like Chewbacca…
Twilight (2008)
Basically, this movie says that guys, you need to be elusive, sparkly, and creepy if you want a girl who is basically the title character from “Juno” minus the laughs, and the pregnant part. Girls, you need to stare at a guy while he eats his lunch, and then BOOM, you’re in love. Just like real life. So basically, if you want to have a successful relationship, be a creeper.
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